At their best, meditation and spiritual community can be deeply healing. But unfortunately, at their worst, they can cause intense distress and deep wounding. Meditation can lift old trauma that is too intense to be digested with meditative practice alone. It can open up the energy we sometimes refer to as kundalini. It can disempower us instead of empowering us. It can lead to spiritual bypassing which prevents the practice from working as it's intended to. Teachers can be abusive and spiritual communities can be cults, creating new trauma or compounding old trauma.
So often things don't go the way we hoped they would, and dealing with the aftermath takes expertise in these particular difficulties. This is something I offer my people.
So often things don't go the way we hoped they would, and dealing with the aftermath takes expertise in these particular difficulties. This is something I offer my people.
Awakening and meditative practices both make us conscious of what has been unconscious.
Again, this can be a good thing when we can digest the energy and emotion of the newly conscious material as it arises. But often, the unresolved material that becomes conscious, whether that be an old trauma, a suppressed emotional pattern such as rage or grief, previously unconscious judgment towards others or oneself, or the like, can be overwhelming to the person's system and create instability and at times, internal chaos. The practice would tell us we need to surrender, to accept, to love what is arising. When that's not available, often we either suppress what we're feeling or we abandon the practice all together as not being right for us.
There is a middle road, where we seek relative frameworks for egoic healing so that we can return to the wisdom of Ultimate practices.
We cultivate self-love and empowerment, we rework our nervous system such that it flows rather than spikes or shuts down, we organize and orient our internal experience so that we feel more of a sense of inner safety. This allows the ancient practices, which were developed at a time when people didn't struggle with self-hate or disempowerment or nervous system dyregulation in the way we do today, to do what they were designed to do. Surrender becomes possible without forcing.
Awakening can also release the energy that was trapped in the egoic structure into the body; this is what is meant when refer to kundalini or shakti. This energy can also be unleashed in other ways - through taking plant medicine, shaktipat, trauma, or even just while walking down the street. It is released during a moment of time when the ego stops creating the world in the way it believes it to be. In that moment, Reality shows us how it is and our entire system begins energetically reorienting to be in alignment with what is seen. Sometimes, but harldy ever, this reorganization is the work of a moment. More often, this reorganization takes years, sometimes decades. |
Sometimes this energy is gentle. Often it is not. Having navigated a very difficult kundalini process myself, I understand how scary and life-changing it can be. I also know many pathways through. A person with kundalini process needs enough egoic healing to be able to open to and trust the energy - enough healing of the conditioned tendencies of the ego, enough self-love, enough stability, enough empowerment, enough inner safety - then, the energy can take care of the rest of the process.
Spirituality and psychotherapy both have been rife with abuse and immaturity masquerading as care and maturity for...well, perhaps, forever. Teachers with their own undigested or unconscious emotional material can act in ways that are harmful. Sometimes teachers with personality disorders seek the power of the role of spiritual teacher as a way of defending themselves against their own trauma. We're all aware of the teachers who have been called out for abusive behavior while in their role. If you're a person recovering from an experience with a teacher or community that was abusive - that disempowered you, disrespected your boundaries, gaslit you, shamed your humanity, took advantage of your vulnerability and integrity, lied to you, manipulated you, or otherwise harmed you - I understand these patterns, what causes them, and how to heal from them. It also feels important to say that integrity is incredibly important to me in my role as therapist and teacher. Don't take my word for it - don't take anyone's word for it. Trust your own experience of me. I encourage and empower my clients and students to live awakening as they see it, not as I see it. I see the beauty in what each of our unique perspectives offer the world. |
I do not hold a monopoly on Truth.
Truly facing my own shadow and doing the gritty work of integration has been the most important aspect of my life for many years now.
I am grateful to be a referral source for the Cheetah House, an important resource for meditators in distress. They have many useful resources for practicing and healing from the above meditation-related difficulties, and I highly recommend checking them out!
This article provides a good description of adverse experiences in meditation and elaborates on the need to improve our understanding of these experiences in spiritual communities.
Kundalini . Spiritual Abuse . Spiritual Bypassing . Spiritual Trauma . Codependency . Energy Difficulties .
I am grateful to be a referral source for the Cheetah House, an important resource for meditators in distress. They have many useful resources for practicing and healing from the above meditation-related difficulties, and I highly recommend checking them out!
This article provides a good description of adverse experiences in meditation and elaborates on the need to improve our understanding of these experiences in spiritual communities.
Kundalini . Spiritual Abuse . Spiritual Bypassing . Spiritual Trauma . Codependency . Energy Difficulties .
Book Recommendations:
Biology of Kundalini, Jana Dixon
Stories of Spiritual Transformation, Joan Shivarpita Harrigan
Spiritual Bypassing, Robert Augustus Masters
Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness, David Treleaven
The Path is Everywhere: Uncovering the Jewels Hidden Within You, Matt Licata
A Healing Space: Befriending Ourselves in Difficult Times, Matt Licata
Falling in Love with Where You Are, Jeff Foster
You Were Never Broken: Poems to Save Your Life, Jeff Foster
Grounded Spirituality, Jeff Brown
Biology of Kundalini, Jana Dixon
Stories of Spiritual Transformation, Joan Shivarpita Harrigan
Spiritual Bypassing, Robert Augustus Masters
Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness, David Treleaven
The Path is Everywhere: Uncovering the Jewels Hidden Within You, Matt Licata
A Healing Space: Befriending Ourselves in Difficult Times, Matt Licata
Falling in Love with Where You Are, Jeff Foster
You Were Never Broken: Poems to Save Your Life, Jeff Foster
Grounded Spirituality, Jeff Brown
"You are a ruby in the heart of granite.
How long will you try to deceive us?
We can see the truth in your eyes.
So come, return to the root of the root of your own self."
~ Rumi
How long will you try to deceive us?
We can see the truth in your eyes.
So come, return to the root of the root of your own self."
~ Rumi